Change is a universal fact. They say, the only thing that remains constant in life, is change.
And travelling through the centuries, the faith on the universality of marriage has shaken up. I would rather say the definition of love among the ‘present’ generation has also taken a different turn. With growing influence coming in from everywhere-television, internet or just by sheer interaction, the trends of relationships are changing. There was a time when it was forbidden for couples to even talk to each other before they got married. Now, it only sounds like an age old story.
Today, there is a new talk of town- the live-in relationship. Many youngsters today believe that living together before the marriage can help them understand each other better, test whether their relationship would materialize in the long run and check whether their partner is compatible or ideal for them. Thus, cohabitation is a boon for them before they end up committed in a wrong marriage.Cohabitation is when a man and a woman live together in an emotional or/and physical relationship without themselves getting married. In recent times, especially in the Western world, this new concept of cohabitation has become rather common.
In the US, almost half of young adults aged 20-40 are cohabiting instead of getting married. Statistics show that cohabitation has increased nearly 1,000 percent since 1980, and the marriage rate has dropped more than 40 percent since 1960 in the US. Although this trend has started from the western and developed countries like the United States itself, it is slowly growing and touching the eastern countries too. This concept has got social acceptance in many regions, while in other places has become quite controversial, as it is totally against many religious beliefs.Many people imagine that living together before marriage resembles taking a car for a test drive. The ‘trial period’ gives people a chance to discover whether they are compatible.
Living in allows them to know the irritants and the unchangeable habits of each other, and then allows them to make a decision as to whether the irritants are something that can be overlooked for the rest of their combined lives or not.Also, many youngsters believe that marriage is just bonding of two people into laws and enforcement that comes with a contract on the paper. They say, love cannot be written on a paper and binded to rules. They do not believe commitment to be just a thing that comes out of vows in front of a priest. Talking about vows and priests, for many atheist couples, who do not believe in the existence of super natural powers as such, promises made keeping the god as witness doesn’t hold a value.
There has been quite a controversy on this topic. With the age old religions and values on one side and new vibes of the younger generation on the other, the debate does seem never ending. But it’s all about – “It’s each to Its Own”. Those who are in favor of live-in relations have their share of opinions and those against it have theirs. However, no one would disagree to the fact that there are things that both marriage and cohabitation can give that the other cannot.The ones wanting a live-in relationship think that if two individuals are mature and they cohabitate, that’s better than blindly marrying and then finding out that things don’t work; later in life when things might get awkward, pressurized and of course, expensive! And the examples are right in front of us! Many people go through lives tied to a loveless marriage they can’t get out of.
Societal pressure is so immense that it seems to be the impossible thing to do. This has actually resulted to a preconceived notion about marriage and so, more and more youngsters are in getting in the favor of delaying the big ‘M’ word.If we were talking about a century old world, cohabitation could be troublesome and getting married with legal commitment attached would be a better option too. The live examples of them right in front of us - most of our parents. They have lived, let live and sometimes adjusted themselves to do so.
But what some fresh minds question today is - why is it necessary to adjust so much? Why can’t we just live our lives with a person we know we will be compatible with? Why do we have to suddenly end up with people with we have been dating for a while and seen them in their self created image only or worse in case of arranged marriages, barely know. Why can’t we spend some time with a person and see if we can find a part of ourselves in them? Why do we have to compromise on things like a person we are going to spend the rest of our lives with? Why can’t we walk out of the equation if the relationship doesn’t work out well and search for a new one?For some, marriage is the height of commitment and they are happy to do so. They love sharing their lives with other person and along with that, share their responsibilities as both children and parents. Share a future, share their dreams and share a thought. While for some, an individual life is important too.
They would like to share a house or a room, share thoughts and moments and be an important part of the other person’s life. But still, their individuality might be important to them. They might want separate property in their identity for which they have worked hard enough. Commitment might not be big of an issue but giving each other space might be an essential nutrient to maintain their relationship. And all of that is what cohabitation can give you, not marriage.
Many couples start to cohabitate with the purpose of marrying after a long time. However, many critics say that cohabitating couples tend to prolong their marriage or end up breaking. Those who live together have no lasting commitments or responsibilities. They cannot, in most cases, enjoy a happy married life or simply, their lives after marriage will be less blissful than while they were cohabitating.
That is, in a nutshell, it is difficult for a cohabitating couple to adjust to a normal, happy married life, even with the same partner. But arguments also say- failure can happen in any relationship whether it is Marriage, Live-In situations or Marriage between couples who have cohabited earlier.As for kids being happier in a marriage, there are enough studies out there to prove that kids turn out to be really bad when raised by homosexual parents. Does that mean homosexual couples are bad parents? No. It is a reflection not of the parents but of the way society treats them.
Without neglecting the other side what should also be bought to lime light here is, Cohabitation involves "no public commitment, no pledge for the future, no official pronouncement of love and responsibility”. Theirs is essentially a private arrangement based on an emotional bond. Marriage, on the other hand, is much more than a love partnership. It is a public event that involves legal and social responsibilities. It brings together not just two people but also two families and two communities.
It is not just for the here and now; it is, most newlyweds hope, 'till death do us part.' Getting married changes what you expect from your mate and yourself.And here’s the problem with the car analogy: the car doesn’t have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the driver.
It stinks if you picture yourself as the car.The commitment issues in live - in relationships of course, have always remained a big thing to talk about. When one lives in a situation of no formal commitments, it gives rise to complications; both social and legal. A casual ‘break-up’ brings about enough complications that can make you want to avoid your former partner altogether, then how do you move on from a relationship where you were involved in creating your home together? It is most sensitive when one of the partners is really serious about it and the other isn’t. Since it is so easy to back out, if one of them wants to step back when the other one doesn’t, things might turn hectic. In worse case, if the girl is pregnant and then the boy wants to back out, she will never have the legal support that she would have has otherwise if she were married.
But another thought again pops in,” You wouldn’t live with someone who you weren’t serious about. Living together, sharing that space with someone is itself a big commitment.”Only thing that can be concluded is, different individuals hold different beliefs. There aren’t right, wrong, or special rules to follow - but simply what works best for that particular couple. As long as both partners are on the same page and intentions are clear, things should be fine.
