According to the Robert Sternberg triangular theory of love the three dimensions passion, intimacy and commitment all play essential roles in forming relationships. Passion mean strong emotion, excitement, and physiological arousal, often tied to sexual desire and attraction Baumgardner & Crothers (2009).
These emotions can become overpowering and create feelings of love, joy anger and hatred. Intimacy involves closeness it is a special friendship, having a feeling of connection and trust. Commitment is the conscious decision to stay in a relationship for the long haul. Committed relationships are more serious because it involves a shared decision to invest in the relationship.Relationships are a major complexity in our lives. Forming these relationships and maintaining them have a great deal to do with our early attachment styles.
Depending on how secure or insecure an individual is can determine their ability to give or accept certain components that build relationships. Early life disruptions to our process of attachment with parents will have major consequences for how we as adults will then deal with attachment as adults. This may show up as diminished capacity to modulate arousal of stimulus from internal or external sources, impairment in developing healthy relationships, and the ability to cope with stress (Siegel.1999).Intimacy, passion and commitment all working equally together would definitely be an ideal relationship. Some relationships might have Intimacy and commitment with no passion or intimacy and passion with no commitment.
There are many combinations regarding how people relate to one another in love relationships. According to Steinberg romantic love consist of (intimacy + passion) companionate love consist of (Intimacy + commitment), Fatuous love consist (Passion and commitment) infatuated love consist of (passion only), Empty love consist of (commitment only) and usually occurs in older relationships where passion and romance. Have diminished. Consummate love consists of (intimacy, + passion + commitment). This is complete love.Love is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and lips to pucker Author Unknown.
A person must navigate to emerge as a functional adult who is capable of entering and sustaining healthy intimate adult relationshipsFrom the time we are born we develop attachments that follow us for the rest of our lives. “The propensity to make strong emotional bonds to particular individuals [is] a basic component of human nature" (Bowlby, 1988, 3). Attachments are the special emotional relationships in our lives where we give and receive comfort, care , protection and pleasure. The attachments we form early in life play a significant role in how we attach to others as adults. Our style of attachment affects everything from our selection to how well our relationships progress or how they end.
According to the John Bowlby attachment theory there are four key characteristics of attachments.1. Proximity maintenance or the desire to be near people. 2. Safe haven or the need to feel comfort when an individual feels threat or danger.3.
Secure base where the attachment figure acts as a base of security from which the individual can explore the surrounding environment. 4. Separation distress or the anxiety that occurs in the absence of the attachment figure. These early attachment styles patterns that are formed have an impact on relationships later on in life.
These characteristics influence how we seek to have our needs met in relationships.Secure attachment in adults show characteristics of having trusting and lasting relationships (low avoidance, low anxiety they are comfortable sharing feelings with friends and partners and tend to have high self esteem. Securely attached people feel loved and accepted and have a tendency to enjoy intimate relationships. Anxiety and concern are minimal in individuals who are securely attached allowing them to feel comfortable in close relationships and free to explore. People who formed a secure attachment to their caregivers tend to form a secure attachment to the person they love Firestone (2013).
Insecure attachment in adults show characteristics of being unable to get close to others. They have a tendency to worry about the relationship and whether or not their partner cares or loves them. An individual with insecure attachment might have the tendency to be overly dependent or clingy. People who fit this category usually worry about what other people think of them and need a lot of validation and approval. This leads to frequent breakups, often because the relationship feels cold and distant.
These individuals feel especially distraught after the end of a relationship Main& Cassidy (1994).Preoccupied attachment in adults show characteristics of having a reluctance, to get close to others. They might have problems with intimacy and are unwilling or incapable of sharing their thoughts, feelings and emotions. Someone who has a preoccupied attachment style have a tendency to not believe they are worthy of being loved or caring for someone else.
Even though they have a strong desire for intimacy they sabotage their relationships. This leads them to exaggerate their emotions and engage in controlling behaviors. Firestone (2013). They have a tendency to look for their partner to rescue them or make them feel complete.Dismissing or avoidant attachment style shows characteristics that minimize the importance of relationships. They have a tendency to suppress and hide their feelings, making it difficult for them to be intimate and close in relationships.
During stressful times they tend to show a lack of support toward their partners. Research has also shown that adults with an avoidant attachment style are more accepting and likely to engage in casual sex (Beckers - Phelps,Ph.D 2011). They are capable of distancing themselves emotionally and have a tendency to isolate.
People who fit into this category do not like for people to get close to them they are usually not the type to fall in love quickly or require a lot of affection.Fearful avoidant attachment shows characteristics that suggest there is no organized strategy for having their needs met. People who fit into this category tend have mixed emotions. They want to have closeness but they are also fearful of getting too close individuals who fit into this category will sometimes try to hide their feelings but are unable to do so, the feelings can become overwhelming causing the person to experience emotional storms.
These individuals tend to find themselves in rocky or dramatic relationships, with many highs and lows. They often have fears of being abandoned but also struggle with being intimate. This type of attachment usually lead to rocky and dramatic relationships. A person with fearful avoidant attachment may even wind up in an abusive relationship.
(Firestone 2013).They do not trust that others see them positively, and they expect to get hurt.Every one of us fit into one of these attachment styles, these attachments have influenced our own self esteem as well as how we view others. Behaviors such jealousy, lying, infidelity or conflict may be a result of individuals attachment style. We carry these attachments into our romantic relationships.
Building and maintaining these relationships is not always easy, when we look at relationships from this angle it is easy to see why it is so hard to find love and keep it. There are many levels of love whether it is romantic love that only last a little while empty love where all intimacy and passion is gone and there is nothing there except commitment, or complete love which is what most of desire. The need to give and receive love is always present.
