Earl. It rhymed with girl.

He always took a lot of heat for that. But that was before the Easter egg. The extraordinary Easter egg. Earls extraordinary Easter egg
He got it as a gift from his mean cousin Katie that never was and never will be nice to him (she kept teasing his name). It looked like nothing special to him. Probably just some chocolate inside but it definitely wasnt an ordinary egg.

This egg contained extra-terrestrial contents that have enormous potential. As he unwrapped the cheap aluminum wrapper encasing the egg, a little note fell out. At first, what seemed like an encoded language scribbled on the note moved its lines around and became American English.
This is the pod of life and destruction.

In the pod contains objects from the seventh dimension. Its purpose is to continue the mere existence of the universe by destroying much of it.
3,465,735,180,261 EUs received32 EUs needed
Note: The reader of this is cursed with the occupation of feeding the pod the energy it needs to complete its objective.
Nice prank Kate but this is too stupid to be funny or scary, Earl thought. As he was about to throw it out, he noticed that the egg felt warm to his touch.

He easily broke open the plastic shell and inside was a very strange looking object. It looked like a cool blue rock that shimmered like water. It felt like slick rubber but it bended and changed shape like Jell-o. This is weird, Earl though.
As he was running out the kitchen door to ask Katie about this, the thing slipped out of his hand and a bounced straight up a couple hundred feet.

While it was still going up, it disappeared. Uh-oh, Earl thought, its going to do whatever its supposed to do! Then, it warped back into existence right in the palm of Earls hand! Weird, Earl thought, better not tell Katie right away.
At night, he put the pod under his pillow. It just made him feel safer when its in his hands than in his parents bedroom. Next morning, he felt really tired. He glanced at the slip and was shocked at the numbers on it.

It read that instead of 32 EUs needed, it only said 3. Uh-oh, I looked at the back of the slip and found more words on it. It said that EU stood for energy unit, which was the universal unit for measuring energy. Oh my god, does that mean I just have given it 29 EUs overnight? Earl assumed, that meansit only has three EUs left to collect. I MUST GET RID OF THIS RIGHT AWAY! I cannot let it absorb anymore energy! Earl panicked and threw the object out the window. The glass broke but the object was flying really fast.

Boy, Earl thought, I could be a professional baseball player with that as the ball.
The it kept flying until suddenly, it disappeared again and where did it warp to? Earls hand. Earl must get rid of it fast and stop it from absorbing Earls energy. Earl pondered a while and came up with a plan. First, he went to his parents bedroom and got a pen and a paper.

On it, he wrote
Mom, Dad, and everybody I know. I must save the world. No Im not stupid, I am absolutely serious with this. Do not feel sorry for me, instead, feel proud. I must do this people. The world needs me and its inevitable.

I love you all.
He pocketed this note and went to the back yard with a plastic bag in one hand and the pod in the other. He dug a shallow hole near one of the poison ivy plants. He was hoping nobody would come here to find the pod. He buried the pod and the slip and covered the hole with his bare hands.

Then he put the bag over his head and tied a knot at his neck. After five minutes of quietly sitting behind the tree where no one would see him, he became unconscious and after ten minutes, his soul left the body and Earl wasgone.
The amount of EUs needed stopped at 1. The pod stopped shimmering and became stone cold. Earl had saved the world but he had given his life for it.

Not many people would miss him, but the ones that knew him well would mourn his death. They found his body and the note, many thought he was just insane and committed suicide. Nobody paid any attention to the spot where he buried the pod.
Suddenly, a worm wiggled to the spot where he buried the pod.

The pod began to shimmer in a cool blue color. It got warmer and the lines on the slip began moving again. It read:
3,465,735,180,293 received
Process Complete
In a fraction of a second, every bit of matter in the galaxy and neighboring galaxies were instantly incinerated to dust and gas. The pod itself released tremendous amounts of energy. It was like a miniature Big-Bang.

So Earl did save the world, but only for five days. Now you are wondering why we are still here. The reason is that the world Earl was on is light years away from here. Three thousand thirteen light years to be exact.

That means that we wont feel the effects of this bomb until at least three thousand thirteen years later. Enjoy your day! ^_^