The book “Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood” is written by a clinical psychologist William Pollack, who is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and codirector of the Center for Men at the Harvard Medical School, as well as a founding member of the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity of the American Psychological Association. Having such a solid professional background, the author can be expected by readers to provide an extensive and interesting account of the topic to which the book is devoted.
Pollack fully justifies this expectation, and goes even further as the theme into which he delves also concerns the larger problem of what it takes to be male in modern Western societies, in which men are often perceived as fundamentally violent and evil. This view actually permeates our world view and is often manifested in media, in the courts, or in public debates about marriage and family.In this respect, “Real Boys” is a very urgent book that highlights how myths about what manhood is begin to be instilled already in young boys, how they become an integral part of our society, and how harmful they may be. In relation to boys, the myth about manhood states that the natural behavior of boys, like their games, their needs, and their concerns about sexuality, is somehow inadmissible and has to be changed before boys can become full-fledged members of society, or otherwise they risk to fall into a primitive and violent state.
In this way, such a myth is a kind of a modern adaptation of the notion of the original sin and the consequent need for redemption. However, as we may realize after reading Pollack`s book, a peculiar thing about this modern version of the original sin conception is that women are largely excluded from it as if they already were redeemed. Now, one of the main lines of Pollack`s argument is that such stereotypical thinking must be jettisoned if we ever want to help our boys and men.In application to boys, the change that Pollack champions is the change of what he terms as ‘Boy Code’, which most of us subconsciously apply to boys, and the urgent return to boys of the same amount of attention as girls have enjoyed in our society during the last decades after feministic world view had become such a powerful factor (Closson, 2002). And the problem which Pollack investigates is really pressing. We may just consider that the second leading cause of death in young men is suicide, and that it is much more common among men that among young women.
But, as Pollack would argue, the ground for such tragedies may be laid yet in early childhood and in schools, where boys are usually failing at an alarming rate, and where, as Pollack had found, boys usually have more difficulties than girls. Indeed, judging from statistics, boys in contrast to girls are less successful in their studies, more of boys have difficulties when learning to read and write, larger numbers of boys are considered to be learning disabled, and they constitute the majority of pupils in frames of special education classes and remedial programs.To make things even worse, boys are ten times more likely than girls to develop the condition known as attention deficit disorder, and boys represent the larger percentage of those kids who regularly take stimulant medications. But boys also tend to have harder childhood than girls in other aspects as well. For example, beyond school boys are much more prone than girls to becoming victims of violence.
So, having established the connection between the mentioned code of conduct imposed on males and experiences of boys` childhood, the author of the book sets out to investigate why and how this happens. The research that Pollack had undertaken required years of communication with boys and with their families in order to extensively analyze relationships between boys and their fathers, mothers, friends, teachers, coaches and other people in their lives.The author as well explored the complicated problems of teen-age violence and suicide, and even considered some biological explanations in his book. On ground of this solid research foundation, perhaps the main conclusion contained in ''Real Boys'' is that most of emotional and academic problems of boys originate from a the same traumatic event: their separation from mothers, which often happens a way too early, and a way too forcefully. Pollack claims that the problem begins to develop when boys start attending kindergarten and therefore are suddenly separated from their mothers.
However, if boys manifest their protest against this separation, in most cases they receive little support as even mothers themselves are socially instructed to avoid coddling their sons, and think that pushing them away is a right thing to do. Of course, if even mothers support this point of view, any emotional appeal to fathers or friends would inflict ridicule upon boys, who in this way learn in a tough way that, unlike girls, they should behave as little men and withstand hardships.In such stressful circumstances, boys are quickly taught to hide their feelings filled with discomfort and fear, and their shame at being afraid. But with time, according to Pollack, all those suppressed feelings are expressed in the form of aggressive games, hyperactivity, and academic difficulties. Even those boys who are successful in school and seem to be well prepared in social terms have psychological traumas resulting from the stress after the breach from their mothers.Thus, Pollack thinks that the separation between sons and mothers has a profound and durable influence on the majority of males.
So, even if the author`s audience were limited only to parents, his description of boys' relationships within families and with their friends, along with his attention to experiences that boys have in school and in sports, is greatly beneficial as it may open eyes of many mothers and fathers on special problems that boys have in adolescence.In addition, throughout the book Pollack offers advices to parents aimed at the improvement of their contact with their sons, and instigates parents to perceive feelings of their sons seriously. For example, the author cautions that as far as public humiliation is particularly injurious to boys and adolescents, he advises parents to confront in a tactful manner teachers and coaches who may put children into awkward situations in front of the whole class or sports group.Pollack also insists that parents should regularly communicate with their sons even though it may be difficult, because boys equally need support and sympathy to deal with contradictory expectations that they face in social life.
Of course, for some readers the claims of Pollack may seem to be too exaggerated. Indeed, few of us would definitely agree that visiting kindergarten was really a terrifying experience. Also, Pollack should have discussed the generally positive effect of preschool programs from which children benefit and become better prepared for academic demands than children who stay at home.Still, Pollack for sure is right in his criticism of schools when he asserts that natural temperaments and energy of boys are often incompatible with imposed teaching agendas.
Therefore, Pollack suggests that until schools become more boys oriented, boys would hardly have a significant chance of general academic improvement. At the same time, contrary processes actually take place as schools are becoming less and less friendly to boys who are often forced to paper and pencil types of tasks at the cost of active ones.Some schools even consider the possibility of elimination of recess for the sake of expected academic progress, from which, on ground of what we have observed, only some girls could possibly benefit (Gurian and Stevens, 2005, pp. 52-54). In this connection, in addition to the need of the general rethinking of educational priorities, Pollack sees as one of possible solutions to this problem the spread of single-sex classes, and even single-sex schools. Again, even though this view would be disputed by many, in general Pollack is consistent in his argumentation.
What also cannot be denied is that for teachers who seek to understand the historical foundations of American education and try to become a catalyst for change the book “Real Boys” can become a real boon, because from the book teachers, school administrators, and representative of other educational vocations can learn about the ways the ‘Boy Code’ works. Having this knowledge, they can better understand why this code often prevents boys from showing their true selves, and how it forces them to wear social masks.Teachers would also be better prepared to deal with areas where the ‘Boy Code’ is working in the most intensive and potentially devastating for boys way, like for instance during recess, in sports and gym classes, or in school buses. The suggestion of Pollack that an empathic, sensitive, and friendly adult mentor should be assigned to each boy according to interests and personality of the latter is also quite sound, especially for boys who have particularly tough times in school.
Finally, the book of William Pollack may once again remind teachers to always be very careful in relation to children, and when confronting a boy hiding behind a mask to use an approach that would not feel him ashamed of fears and uncertainty that he may have. In this way, by constant and careful monitoring of social adjustment of boys, schools would manage to stay in touch with their authentic emotional experiences, and hopefully solve a significant portion of existing problems that boys and men face in their personal, educational, and professional lives.
