Kristina wishes to hold Eli in her mind “for good” exactly how he was right up until the moment he struck her with his fists forever changing their relationship. Pre- physical abuse what Kristina had with Eli was the best she had experienced in life thus far. “She never imagined, or even dared hope, that she would meet such a man, or have such a time in her life.
” (308) There was even a span of a few days post- physical abuse that it seemed Kristina was in denial of having to give up what they had together.After he had battered her Eli post-pones his trip and stays home nursing her back to health in bed lavishing her with affection and physical love. Kristina curiously eats up these attentions and even responds to him as if nothing had happened. This is an obvious case of blatant denial. “They lay next to each other, their fingers laced together, whatever barrier had been between them was gone now, completely. ” (306) During this time she even makes excuses for him beating her as if it were the direct result of the stress of his job.
“Poor Eli.He lives with danger all the time. ” (306) Throughout the entire story the reader can guess that Kristina never really felt at home anywhere she had resided until Eli had swooped into her life and made a home for her. “Anything you particularly want to do before we head home? Eli said.
Home. The way she had lived at Nonie and Munsen’s- like a little animal! ” (297) The reader can also guess throughout the story that Kristina does not trust herself to make her life happy, that she does not believe she is capable of doing it herself.At the end of the story this suspicion is proven correct, as even after being beaten by her husband she holds onto his memory with almost religious fervor in the belief that what she had with him was the best she could ever have hoped for in life. It seems that Kristina is more like Eli’s ex girlfriend, Zoe, than one can guess until the end of the story.
Though the parallel between them is foreshadowed early in the story when Kristina first sees Eli with Zoe “It’s almost as if she had been inside Zoe, looking into that mirror over the bar herself, seeing herself in the perfect dark skin, the perfect head, hair almost shorn.She can feel Zoe’s delicate body working as if it were her own, and she can feel the weight of the sleeping baby strapped to Zoe’s back. ” (287) Eli describes Zoe as lacking the courage to “face the fact that what happens to you is largely of your own choosing. ” (295) It seems that Kristina is guilty of living her life according to the same philosophy. Much of the story she is a passive character, somewhat just allowing things to happen around her or waiting for things to happen to her rather than taking on the responsibility of making herself happy.
This is evident by the way she goes against her intuition and rushes off to marry Eli after he urges her that it will be the best option for her. She admits that when she agreed to marry him she didn’t ask questions because she didn’t want to consider the possibility of staying single and having only herself to rely on. “Well, if she had thought of too many questions out front, she’d probably still be rotting away in that little town, living in somebody’s spare room.She’d been in no position at that moment to be thinking of the sort of questions whose answers are, Go back to sleep.
” (292) She depends on Eli to make her happy- an attitude that yields detrimental consequences to her mental health. Since he was the one to rescue her from her lonely life she attributes the power to create happiness to him. This is a belief that exercises powerful control over her. This is made clear when she is standing in her half-sister’s dark kitchen quietly reflecting on her life with Eli.
“There’s nothing in front of her. But then rising up behind her the moving shadows of trees, of the muddy road, of cars, of faces- Nonie, Roger, Liz, the girls from the distant farms, Eli… At the dark center of the water her own face is indistinct. ” (281) Her sense of self is overshadowed by the sense of belonging she had experienced with Eli. Even after recalling the moment of her husband physically striking her she stops to wonder why her sister, Alma had been gone so long and then thinks she’s “just glad to have had this time with Eli.” (308)Only someone who is mentally disturbed would recall such a moment in time with fondness. As the story comes to a close Kristina thinks “Better keep moving.
New names, new histories, a nondescript room in a busy city where she’ll be able to lose herself and Noah. Watching, hiding, running- that way at least she’ll be with Eli for good. ” (308) In this way Kristina will hold Eli in her mind forever as he was before he violated their relationship with physical abuse- her ray of sunshine in a bleak, dark, lackluster existence.
