When the traditional family, one with both parents and the children living in the same home, only on television or from an outsider’s perspective, the families appear to be perfect.
The family seems happy all the time. However, when looking at your own family it is sometimes realized that this couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, in some families it is the complete opposite, and in my family specifically, I thought it was the norm to be dysfunctional. That is until a close friendship changed my views on family life.My friendship with my best friend opened my eyes to the true meaning of sisterhood, the normal dynamics of a family, and the meaning of unconditional love.
I have four sisters and none of us have the bond of sisterhood. My younger sister and I grew up in the same household and maintained a strong dislike for one another until adulthood. She and I fought for our mother’s attention, were blatantly jealous of one another, and would constantly fight. As far as my other three sisters were concerned, they were from previous relationships my father had with other women, one of whom I have never met.Being that those sisters lived in separate homes they were more live visitors whenever they came to visit.
More like a friend than a sister. I never went to any of them for advice or guidance on any subject matters. They never seemed open to the fact that I was their younger sister and never offered the guidance of an older sibling. So it can be understood how my ideas of what sisterhood was about could have been misguided and/or misunderstood.
However, in meeting my best friend I learned what it is like to have a confidant, someone I could tell my deepest, darkest secrets and not be judged.She was the person I could go shopping and out to eat with. She was the person I called and whose shoulder I cried upon when my mother recently passed away, not my biological sisters. She was there in my darkest of times; for that I will never take our friendship for granted. She is also partly the reason I am back in school. Incidentally, I have pretty decent job.
I make average money, however, she decided that “we” both needed to go back to school to reach our full potential. So when she decided to apply to Morgan she called me and said “Hey, we are doing back to school.”Yes, going back to school was something I have wanted to do for a long while but it was her push that made me go ahead and start my pursuit in obtaining my degree. And I am so grateful to her, and moreover to her family for their support while I take the next steps to make my life great.
Especially since I never really had the model of what a family was suppose to be. As I stated before, my family was dysfunctional. Dysfunction was what I believed to be normal until I found out in later life that it was A-typical not typical to have a mother who only cared for herself and a father who was never at home or mentally available.In having my best friend as my friend I was invited to family gatherings, holiday parties, barbeques, and vacations to places like Cozumel, Mexico. As a result, I learned more and more of what a true family unit was about.
I learned that no matter what, no matter how many times a loved one makes a mistake, family would always be there to support them. Her parents began to look at me as one of their children. I gained a second mom and dad; I also gained the brother I never had. I never knew how important family was until I met my surrogate family.
They make me feel like I am apart of a real life “Cosby Show” and for that I am forever grateful.Her mom calls to check on me and makes sure I am taking care of myself. My mother recently passed away; her mother has been great with helping me through the grieving process. Anytime I need to talk she is always available to listen to me. If I just need a shoulder to cry on she is available and because of my close relationship with her my daughter now sees to her as a grandmother.
Seeing my daughter interact with my best friend’s family makes my soul weep with joy; even though I was not able to give my daughter an immediate family from blood she has gotten one through friends.In addition to the joy I feel watching my daughters interactions with my best friends family, I feel joy when I see how protective her family are of me as well. Recently I went to their house and I had a friend of mine in the car with me. My best friend’s father came outside and gave him the third degree; being protective. He wanted to know who the guy was and what his intentions were with me. That was shocking on so many levels because I have never had anyone take that much interest in the well being of my personal life.
It made me feel good that he cared and it made me feel special when he introduced himself as my other father.Her brother is also another story to be told. Just watching him interact with women has shown me what to look out for when dealing with guys. In watching him I have learned to tell when a guy is only interested in what he can get from me versus when a guy is interested in getting to know me and trying to add value to my life. He has been ready to fight guys on my behalf because of things that they have done to me. It feels good to be protected and I have gotten all this from someone else’s family.
My friendship with my best friend has given me more than I could ever imagine from a friend; especially a female.The love we share is beyond anything I could express in words. So then, our love is unconditional. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her. One day when she was moving, we decided that were going to do it ourselves.
I am shaking my head just thinking about this memory. And so, we rented an Uhaul. I drove it and crashed the mirrors off almost every car on the block I was driving down. Now of course because the Uhaul was in her name the truck and damages were her responsibility. When the police came, she took ownership of everything.As a result of that her auto insurance increased and she had to suffer the consequences of my actions and although she was angry with me she forgave me and that is something that I will never forget.
To me, her show of forgiveness is the definition of unconditional love. No matter how many times a person makes a mistake, and even though there are qualities within people that are seemingly unredeemable, when real love is at play forgiveness is always an option. Love is not meant to have conditions on them. For instance, my best friend’s family never alludes to the fact that I am not their real daughter.They don’t treat me any differently than there biological children.
If I need their help they are here for me. Whether it is financially, mentally, or physically I can always count on them. I couldn’t ask for anything more. They are great people and I believe I am a better person just for knowing them. When they are upset about something they talk about it.
They use reason and logic to come to an understanding. They don’t yell, and scream, and fight the way I saw problems solved growing up and the way I had become accustomed to solving problems as an adult.Of course they have arguments. However those arguments are solved by exercising reasoning.
They have changed my views on a lot on the proper way to communicate. It has made me want to build a stronger relationship with my sisters, especially with my younger sister. Since we grew up in the same household, there isn’t a single reason I should not show her the same unconditional love for her that strangers have given me. I think that maybe if I offer my own sister just some of what my best friend has offered me I can change her views as mine have been changed.
She would be able to experience sisterhood in a whole new positive way. The bond of sisterhood has the ability to open up the doors of trust and communication, not just in the women that the bond was formed with but also in the women that affect everyday life. Classmates, co-workers, the women in the grocery store, all play a part in daily life. Why not open up communication? Who better to learn from than another woman? I know I have learned a lot from my best friend and her family as well. One day when I have my own family, I hope that it models her family very well. They have taught me so much.
I never knew what it was like to have a two parent household surrounded by a white picket fence until I met my best friend and her family. They gave me love when I thought I was unlovable and strength when I thought I was weak. I love them and I thank my best friend for giving me three of the major things I was lacking in my life and they are sisterhood, the normal dynamics of family and unconditional love. Those things, I believe, are the benefits of having a close friendship.
They are things that have enhanced my life and are also things I will never forget the importance of.
