Tristan, as he prefers to be named in this paper, is a high school sophomore. He was very eager to participate in the interview, seeing it as a way to let his feelings out. He is a sixteen year old Asian teenager whose family just migrated to America a little more than a couple of years ago. He has dark hair, dark brown eyes and golden brown skin.
He lives with his parents and his 21 year old sister who goes to a State University and is taking up Food Technology. He has another sibling, a 24 year old brother, who wasn’t able to move with them. His brother has already signed up a 5 year contract with a company back home when their family decided to move to the states.
Parents
Tristan’s family, just like most Asian families, is very close to one another. His parents have an authoritative parenting style. Authoritative parents are those who are both demanding but responsive. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive.
Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive, socially responsible, self-regulated as well as cooperative. They help children learn to be responsible for themselves and to think about the consequences of their behavior in a warm and loving manner.
Tristan has always liked both his parents and siblings so much. Although he wasn’t very keen about their family moving out of the country where he spent the first 14 years of his life and settling in an entirely different place, he respects their decision and understands that they only want what’s best for their whole family. However, even if the four of them are still together in one house, he said, “I’ve been missing all of them a lot for two years now.”
Tristan’s parents are both licensed engineers in their country. They were in the upper middle class back at home, with both his parents working in a big company, with respectable positions and very competitive incomes. But since their licenses are not accepted here, his parents now have to start anew.
His mother now works as a housekeeper in a small hotel and his father works in a factory and also has a part time job in a printing company. His parents have been working double time since they arrived here to be able to pay for their apartment, his sister’s school, his future college education and other everyday expenses.
His sister, on the other hand, was a Biology student at the best university in the country where they grew up. When they moved here, his sister wasn’t able to immediately transfer to another college due to the difference in educational systems between their country and the USA. Luckily, his sister was able to pass all necessary tests and is now studying at a State university and is working part-time at a fast food chain near where they live.
Since they moved here, each one of his family has started to have their own schedules. The only time they see each other is in the morning. They miss each other at night most of the time because his parents usually have to work overtime and his sister has to go back to school to study after her shift at work. The only time they get to be together is on Sundays, when they all go to church and rest at home.
He feels guilty for feeling a bit abandoned. He understands why his parents has to work more than they used to but he still feels jealous that his older brother and sister was taken cared of until they were old enough. He watched his parents help them when they were his age, knowing that is the time of their lives when they go through a lot of changes, physically and emotionally. He thinks it is unfair that he has to go through all those changes right now, alone.
Back where they used to live, because his parents were both straight honor students from grade school to college, they have given emphasis on excellence in studies. Even though he admits that he is not as good as his older siblings are, his parents have always been very supportive and helpful.
Even if he didn’t really like the way his parents pushed him to study harder and do better in school before, he misses it now. He utters, “I don’t know if they’re just busy or they’ve accepted that I really won’t be as good as my older siblings or they’ve finally given up on me, either one of the three.” “…but I miss my mother the most.”
Tristan points out. He states that though he is both close to his mother and father, his mother’s lack of time for him is what he misses most. Even before, his mother has spent more time talking with him and listening to him. They used to have secrets and exclusive times with each other.
This agrees to studies that teens feel closer and are more authentic with mothers that with fathers. He mentioned that he usually keeps his weekends free hoping that his parents and his sister might be at home too.
Although he has made a decent number of close friends in school, he still prefers to spend more time with his family than with his friends. He hasn’t opened up to any of his friends about how he feels about his family, “They wouldn’t understand me anyway,” as he sees it.
Friendships and Peer Groups
Since Tristan came to his new school, he has made a considerable number of friends. In professional terms, their group is considered a clique. A clique is usually a group of teenagers, with an average of five or six members, generally of the same sex or age. They usually have similar attitudes and values.
Everyone in his clique is of Asian descent. They are all church-goers too. But unlike him, they’ve lived here most of their lives which is why he chose not to share with them how much he misses his old life. He doesn’t want them to think that he’s a weakling.
Although he doesn’t let anybody from his clique in on his struggles, being around them makes his less homesick. It makes adjusting to his new school and new environment a bit smoother. They even have names for each other, which is from the countries where they come from. At first, he thought it would be difficult to have a new best friend or any friend at all.
But he was lucky enough to be accepted in a group just a few weeks after he came to school. He is thankful that unlike most Asians, he grew up to be tall and big that though he’s the newest kid in school, nobody dared bully him. He commented, “People in our school are generally peaceful, unlike what I used to see on TV about American high schools. Thank God!”
His friends in school are almost like the old friends he left behind. Especially now that he hasn’t fully familiarized himself with his situation, he finds them welcoming and very supportive. He gets to talk to them about things that even if his parents had time, will be too embarrassing to discuss with them.
They help him with school work and with choosing his classes and extra curricular activities. They sometimes meet up after class too to play basketball or computer games.
Apparently, though Tristan claims to long for the former attention that his parents used to give him, he is enjoying his time with his friends and it makes him feel like everything’s normal again. As research has proved, belonging to a group gives adolescents a chance to develop their own identity and a separate sense of self. He said that now, since his family hasn’t been available lately, he counts on his group for companionship and entertainment.
Academics
School started a little rough for Tristan. He just finished his junior year in high school back home. When they moved here, he was surprised to learn that he can’t just go on to senior high and that he has to go back to being a freshman. When he started his sophomore year, he got a bit used to it though it still feels unusual in some days.
Tristan had a hard time catching up with some of the lessons but his teachers understood his situation and went easy on him. Although he didn’t have a problem with making friends, he still had a lot of time by himself during his first few months.
He used this time to study and get acquainted with the learning system in his new school. He wasn’t very good with his studies since he was a kid but he was surprised to be on the top half of his class. He says that though he’s doing better in school, just like all the other boys in class, he enjoys their gym classes most.
He used to think that it’s a waste of time to go through high school all over again but now he sees it as more time for him to decide what he wants to take up in college.
Attractiveness
Tristan stands a towering six feet and two inches at the age of sixteen. He admits to be a little heavy but he said he’s trying to lose some weight. He recently signed up for the school’s rowing team together with one of his friends and says that training is a bit hard and he will surely be trimmed down in no time. He also spends an extra hour working out at the gym with some of his friends.
