What is the unifying emotional subtext of what it means to be a man?
Never showing emotions or admitting to weakness
What is not an option in what it means to be a man?
Kindness or compassion
Who i masculinity largely performed for?
Other men
What is the status of women in the performance of masculinity?
For possessing
Who are the "gender police"
People who constantly watch how well we perform
How is a manly front maintained?
Everything they do- talking, eating, walking, mannerisms, movements
How do women suspect a man might be gay?
If he's interested in what she's talking about, knows something about it, is sensitive, and a good listener
What is the animating fear of American guys' masculinity?
Fear that people might perceive you as gay
How does Kimmel characterize the deepest aspect of homophobia?
Fear of other men- that other men will perceive you as a failure, see you as weak, unmanly, frightened
What would happen to a young man who refused the limiting parameters of the guy code?
Lose everything- friends, self-esteem, get beat up, not safe
Why do you mean expose themselves to health risks, workplace hazards and stress-related illnesses?
To prove their manhood
What do biological theories of manhood fail to account for?
The way that masculinity is coerced and policed relentlessly by other guys
How old was the young African-American boy who was taken to the barbers?
3 1/2
What did Freud believe was the key to boys' development?
Separation- boy must switch identification from mother to father to "become" a man
What is "the culture of cruelty"
Peers force other boys to deny their emotional needs and disguise their feelings
What does the Boy Code disconnect boys from?
A wide range of emotions and prohibited from sharing these feelings from others
Why do boys turn to anger and violence?
Believe its the only acceptable forms of emotional expression allowed to them
How does Kimmel describe the conforming pressure of the Guy Code?
So powerful a centripetal force that it minimizes differences, pushing guys into a homogenous, ill fitting uniform
How does Guyland enable young men to be strategic in their expression of masculinity?
They can be men when it suits them- when they want to be taken seriously by the world around them and can be boys when it suits them, when they don't want to be held account as a adults for their actions, but simply want to get away with it
According to James Gilligan what is the primary or ultimate cause of all violence?
Emotion of shame
How do Americans like to think of wars?
We don't start them, we just finish them
Where does the contemporary Guy Code descend from?
Older notions of honor- a man had to be ready to fight to prove himself in the eyes of others
What is the main element of the Guy Code?
Violence of threat of violence
What do hospitals near a college campus do at the weekend?
Stock extra supplies- rape kits, IV for alcohol poisoning, blood for drunk driving accidents
What is the culture of entitlement based on?
Reward for subscribing to the Guy Code
What is one of the ways that boys become men?
Silence
*Why do boys cheer fights when they don't really like them?
They'll turn on you and will be the next one in the ring
*Why do girls participate in the culture of silence?
If go along with it the cool guys will like them
What does the culture of violence give everyone who participates in it?
Mark of shame, gives perps and victims idea that everyone supports the Guy Code
What is the culture of protection?
Communities rally around "their guys" protecting the criminals and demeaning the victims
What does parents natural instinct to protect children also do?
Infantalize them
What often happens to those who challenge the culture of protection?
So vilified, ostracized from their communities
Shunned by neighbors and friends
How did the community see the boys of Glen Ridge who participated in the range rape of a 17-year old girl?
Regular guys- high status athletes, respect din school and community, not crazed psychotics or pathological deviants
What did the boys who refused to participate in the rape and left do afterwords?
Didn't tell anyone
What is another way that Kimmel describes the culture of silence?
Culture of complicity- those that turn away, their silence reinforces the behavior
What relationship is crucial in Guyland?
Relationship between perpetrators and bystanders
What does Kimmel believe we need to do to get boys beyond the borders of Guyland?
Empower the silent guys to disable the predators
