What is Transactional Analysis?
How does it help in improving interpersonal relationships? For more years than I care to remember I have been an enthusiastic supporter of a communications model called Transactional Analysis, first developed by Eric Berne in the 1950s and I find it equally as relevant to my practice today as I did when I first found it in the early 1980s. It has seen a recent increase in popularity and has been further developed into a model for the 21st century.
The basic concept that Eric Berne developed was that we all have three basic states of mind that we use in our interactions: the ‘Parent’, the ‘Adult’ and the ‘Child’. These states have been built up in our subconscious mind throughout our life and are called upon by our conscious mind to use in the present.
Parent
Our ‘Parent’ state of mind is formed by external events and influences upon us as we grow through early childhood. It contains the lessons we learned from authority figures in our life: our own parents, grandparents, older siblings, teachers, etc. How often have you found yourself saying “I sound just like my mother” or “I sound just like my father” when you hear yourself saying the exact words they used to say to you? These words are coming from those external influences stored in your internal ‘Parent’.
Child
The ‘Child’ state of mind comes from our own experiences as a child. All very young children react to their surroundings without thinking: if they are hungry, they cry; if they are happy, they gurgle and laugh; if they are tired, they sleep. Our inner ‘Child’ is the place where we store our feelings and instinctive reactions. Over time, our inner ‘Child’ learns to adapt to the world we live in; it learns from experience that instinctive reactions are not always appropriate, e.g. that to reach out and touch the lovely bright yellow flame brings pain. So our inner ‘Child’, in addition to the feelings and instincts, also retains adapted behaviour, and it doesn’t always like it.
Adult
Do you remember when you were very young that your parents could do and say no wrong, they knew everything? Did it come as a shock to find, as you grew older and experienced other people’s perspectives and views of the world, that the things your parents said were not universal truths? Did you start to question what they were telling you? That was your ‘Adult’ state of mind coming into play. Our inner ‘Adult’ is our ability to think and determine action for ourselves, based on the information we receive in the present, without the influence of our ‘Parent’ or ‘Child’. So, how can this help with our interpersonal communications? We all retain the ability to call upon the three states of mind in our communications but the other person or people we are engaging with can also call on their states of mind too.
If we are in ‘Parent’, we are likely to be telling the other person what to do, either from a controlling or nurturing perspective, and if they are in their ‘Child’ state they may adapt and do what we ask, either willingly or grudgingly. If they do it grudgingly, they may sabotage the outcome or not give a task their full attention and so we don’t get the result we expected. If they are in their ‘Parent’ they may think “who are you to tell me what to do!?” or in their ‘Adult’ they may have their own view of what needs to be done. Heated arguments as to who is right will probably ensue and once again we don’t get the result we expected. If we approach an interaction in ‘Child’ we will be looking for approval, support or the answer as to what to do.
If the other person is in ‘Parent’ they may give us what we want, or they may say “you should know that, just get on with it!” If they are in ‘Child’ they may say “why ask me, I don’t know?” Either way, we leave without a satisfactory result. If they are in ‘Adult’ they may take time to find out what the problem is and help us, the only thing is we don’t know what state of mind they’re in and it’s a only a 33% chance that they will help. By now you’ve probably worked out that the ‘Adult’ is a more appropriate way to approach communications. This is generally true of work situations and most personal ones but that doesn’t rule out the other two states in relevant situations. If you are operating in ‘Adult’ you are being attentive, interested and obtaining the relevant information through asking appropriate questions.
You may find that the other person starts in ‘Parent’ or ‘Child’ but if you continue in ‘Adult’ you stand more chance of them adjusting to ‘Adult’ too and of gaining a positive outcome. You can then suggest options or solutions through a thorough understanding of the situation or gain more options from the other person. You will also be more likely to build a mutually fulfilling relationship based on respect and trust. Transactional Analysis can help you in every situation, firstly through being able to understand more clearly what is going on and secondly, by virtue of this knowledge, giving yourself the choice of how to react positively.
This enables you to make the most of all your communications and therefore create, develop and maintain better interpersonal relationships. This is very much an introductory look at the model and its uses. Transactional Analysis is more complex and wider than this in both the original theory and its applications and there are lots of resources available if you want to explore it further. Sue Porter is a consultant helping clients to increase individual and organisational performance.
