Dear Mrs Chua,I felt obliged to write to you to express my concern and dismay after reading your autobiography “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”. You have obviously very strong views on the strict upbringing of children.I was shocked when I decoded the title of your autobiography, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”. I found that your title is loaded with negative connotations. Conflict is dealt with in “war” terms, by using the term ‘battle’.
This implies that you believe raising a child is stressful, wounding or even fatal. However, parenting is one of the most wonderful experiences in life. By using the word ‘hymn’ in your title, you’re hinting that you’re above mortals, as hymns are sung to deity. Your additional use of ‘tiger’ to describe yourself, adds that you view yourself as confident, strong and a respected person. Some will fear you. I disagree with this because as a mother, you shouldn’t be placed in a hierarchy but rather you should be an open friend for your children to go to.
I personally find your approach towards parenting overly zealous and I was horrified when I read what unrealistic expectations you have for your children. I noticed this when you stated that your children were “never allowed to get any grade less than an A grade” and that “an A-minus is a bad grade”. In my opinion, a child will have their strengths and weaknesses in subjects, especially whilst growing up. Some people aren’t academically inclined and are much more oriented towards the arts or sports. Pushing a child inappropriately to be academically successful is known to induce serious psychological damage.
I believe no one should be punished when giving their best but getting grades below A. Mrs Chua, I urge you to be more considerate. Is it only your own dream for your children to succeed?I find it unbelievable that you don’t permit your children to express their creativity and independence, especially at such a young age. You stated that they weren’t allowed to “be in a school play” or “complain about not being in a school play”. Through school plays, children can learn to express creativity.
Not giving freedom or independence to children is known to lead to significant social problems in the future such as poor social skills. Taking part in a school play is also a great way to release extra energy, which most children have. I suppose you deal with this problem by simply not allowing your children to have “negative energy”. I find it appalling that you don’t allow your children to express their opinions; it’s like you’re treating them like robots.
The fact that the children of ‘Asian mothers’ are not allowed to choose their own extracurricular activities reinforces my previous point that children will not develop independence. A child develops its personality and traits when young – how can they choose what they like and dislike if they can’t try anything out? However, when you encourage creative activities, they’re incredibly prescriptive. You only allow educational activities, and no fun. Most children play games in their free time, rather than “drill academic activities”.
The fact that your children aren’t allowed to choose what instrument they want to play is a further display of unrelenting over control. Brilliance needs to be developed over time. We can learn from Einstein. He dropped out of school and is teachers predicted him a failure because of his poor school academic performance. Yet, he is regarded as the cleverest person of our time.
Strict parenting is not necessary to make academically successful people.I really must disagree with you when you argue that ‘Chinese mother’s’ children aren’t allowed to have a social life or independence. You mention this when you state that your children aren’t allowed on sleepovers or playdates. This is absurd and unreasonable. Your children need some fresh air and free time to recuperate. I believe that there should be a measured balance between work and play.
You imply that strictness is a virtue and you’re proud of your own overly strict educational stance. You justify that being strict is warranted by the outcome of successful children. However many children suffer from this strict approach. The depression and suicide rates amongst children are much higher for Chinese compared to Western children.
You seem to be proud of the fact that you’re a “Chinese mother” by telling others they “don’t come close” to being one. I understand where you’re coming from, as a recent study of American tenth graders found that Asian-Americans outperformed all other ethnic groups in maths and science. But do not let that fool you into thinking that only Asian’s are successful at school because of their strict parents. Many western children are just as successful with less strict rules.I do agree with the point you make about ‘school work only comes first’, because in my opinion, education is one of the most important things when growing up.
I would teach my children to put education before social activities because friends from school won’t stay long after graduation; however your grades will always be on your report. Education will also bring you further in life and lead to a good job and better future. However, I think you take this out of perspective. Education plays a very important part.
But do not forget, social activities and fun builds character in a person. Without this, your children may have problems socially and even emotionally when they’re older. I also agree with your point saying ‘academic achievement reflects successful parenting’. In my opinion, the students who achieve higher grades either have strong determination or strict parents. In most cases it’s to do with the upbringing of the children.
The parents who encourage their children to study are those whose children achieve highly.Clearly you have strong views on how to parent. I really hope that you will consider what I have written and take my advice to heart. To sum up, I find the way you raise your children unrealistic, cruel and even inhumane. I hope your children will not only be successful but also happy.
It’s unlikely that your tactics are as effective as you think, and recent research bears this out.
