Most people define intimate relationship as a romantic love between two persons for each other. Oftentimes, intimate relationship is perceived with sexual component and people fail to recognize its real and deeper meaning.
Basically, intimate relationship involves the interpersonal relationship between two individuals, which has a strong attachment either with or without sexual activity. Most people who engage in intimate relationship have an intention to keep the relationship forever. Equal partnership is needed for a longer and healthy relationship.A person who wants to engage in an intimate relationship is definitely expecting an equal amount of power. It means that a couple involved in an intimate relationship should respect each others’ decision and opinion, without the necessity of over powering his or her partner. Since intimate relationship is a commitment between the two people only, there is always a conflict on who will be the one to decide regarding a certain matter.
This always leads to a conclusion that the person who always makes a decision dominates the relationship.The one who always lead the way, make a decision, and plan for their relationship is believed having the power over his or her intimate partner. Though for most people, whether they are in an intimate relationship or not, prefer to have an equal footing within a relationship, men tend to be the dominant partner in every relationship. Equality has been an issue in a relationship because of social and gender issues in the society. In an intimate relationship, whoever makes the decision conversely means that he or she dominated the relationship.
Equality may be measured based on the ability of two persons to make the decision together and participate in planning the relationship. Although both individuals are involved in the decision process, the person who always chooses the final option is perceived as more dominant in the relationship. Power plays a big part in an intimate relationship. In a relationship between two persons, the power within a relationship is based not on the achievements and skills of the individual, but is rather dependent on who makes the decision for the couple.
Oftentimes people outside an intimate relationship view power based on how each person inside the relationship reacts in times of conflicts. However, the attitude of each person toward a relationship can determine the authority over the other. Power is important in the context of intimate relationships not simply because it provides controversial privileges to some people and not others. Power can affect all aspects of a couple's intimate life. Being part of a couple requires many decisions and choices.
When two people fall in love and want to spend their lives together, they must choose whether to maintain separate residences or live together (whether married or not). The way they make all the decisions-- from the trivial ones such as what to have for dinner to the important ones such as whether to accept a job transfer to another state-- depends on the way relationships of power and authority have been structured. (Newman & Grauerholz) Power within a relationship may be based on how the couple interacts with each other.There are many factors that may affect power within a relationship, like personalities of each individual and emotional attachment. However, we should not also forget the fact that the couple is living in a world of two different sexes and act based on social system. It means the world is still recognizing the gender aspects in terms of power in an intimate relationship.
Once the two individuals enter in a more serious relationship, each of the couple is expected to have courage to face any conflict and firm enough to make decisions.Because intimate relationship involves the unity of two persons through love and commitment, both of them are expected to make plans and decisions for the relationship. All the conflicts in a relationship require an answer from both persons inside the relationship. From the smallest problems like where to eat and what to do on weekends, to big problems like who will stay at home to take care of the child, intimate relationships require a lot of decision making processes for both people within it.However, there is always one person who makes most of the decisions and the one person who just relies heavily on what his or her partner would say regarding a particular matter.
Power is said to have four theories; patriarchy, modified patriarchy, transitional egalitarianism, and egalitarianism. Apparently, patriarchy refers to the authority of the male in a relationship regardless of his economic status. Modified patriarchy on the other hand talks about the beliefs of every family that men should be the dominant member of the family.The power based on who possessed much resource is called transitional egalitarian for the mere reason that the culture did not dictate the society on who should possess the power. Lastly, egalitarianism refers to the same level of power. It means equal sharing for both man and woman within an intimate relationship regardless of the socioeconomic resources.
Power can be classified into six: reward, coercive, legitimate, referent, expert, and informational. If someone or anyone around a person does something favorable to him or her, that is a reward.A person can demand anything and expect that someone will make it possible in order to please him or her. On the other hand, coercive is an exact opposite of reward power because anyone can do something to a person that may appear unfavorable to that him or her. Legitimate stand for the authority over a person who just conforms on what his or her partner tells him or her on what to do.
Love and respect can influence power because a person relies to someone because he or she does not want to be left by his or her loved one.This notion is called the ‘referent’ because a person wants to remain close to his or her partner because of love and respect (L'Abate, 2005). In most cases, coercive power is always exercised by men. It is one form of direct power that is common among males. If a person abuses his wife physically and sexually, he obviously holds the power over his partner. The socioeconomic status of men also helps them to attain power in intimate relationships because it makes women more vulnerable in eyes of her partner as well as in the society.
In other words, men who are successful in their chosen careers tend to exercise more power because their partners would expect on their reliable decisions. In an intimate relationship, dependency can be a source of power. The Law of Personal Exploitation suggests that the one who cares less tend to have more power over the one who cares more (Thibaut & Kelley). This explains why most people who are more attached in the relationship tend to follow all the decisions done by their partners.Apparently, those who have the power over an intimate relationship appear to be the dominant persons because the people who have an extreme attachment are oftentimes vulnerable and dependent. The law of personal exploitation is almost the same with the Principle of Least Interest wherein the person who has a lesser interest in continuing the relationship tend to have more power than his or her partner ( L'Abate, p.
103). This means that the one that is more emotionally involved can be dominated by his or her partner who has a lesser attachment.Hence, since the society still considers gender issues in terms of power, everyone expects men to have the authority inside an intimate relationship. Most of the time, men make use of their expertise and knowledge in order to become more powerful and coercive with a relationship. On the other hand, women tend to use their personal and manipulative powers that are often based on sexuality and vulnerability.
However, men use referent power as a reason for staying in an intimate relationship that women are most dominant partners.It has been said that female dominance is a taboo in the society which expects men to lead an intimate relationship. If men are more dominant in a relationship, the relationship is perceived as comfortable for the two persons involved unlike in a relationship where a women dominate, which the society considers as a vulnerable relationship. This is for the mere reason that people more prefer to have men gaining the authority rather than women. Surprisingly, most people believe that a relationship that is more dominated by female is weaker than a relationship that are initiated and ruled by men.
Moreover, the couple are oftentimes less satisfied in an intimate relationship that are more dominated by women. It is a manifestation that a relationship should be handled by men in order to be effective. However, those people in intimate relationships who are insecure and weak tend to increase their desire to have power in order to have security and strength. Gender differences have a high impact on the authority inside relationships. Oftentimes, men decrease the need for power when they are more informed and have become more broad-minded, while women increase the need for power when they are more educated.
Oftentimes, men appear to be more powerful in intimate relationships. Women rely on men's decisions and let them become the initiator in the relationship. Women's dominance is perceived as weaker than when men have the power over them. Sometimes, people unconsciously aim to be in an intimate relationship in order to boost their ego. This goal encourages them to seek for partners that they can manipulate socially, sexually, and economically.
Gender issues explain why men should have the power in a relationship.According to genderlect styles theory by Deborah Tannen, men focus on status while women focus on human connection. Men are only concerned on independence while women are more interested to gain the sense of belongingness in a relationship. This explains why most women hold tightly on their relationships with their partners.
Intimate relationships may be a very serious connection for women but men may appear less concerned about the attachment. Men, being focused on independence tend to acquire more power, just like what the principle of least interest had discussed.On the other hand, since women's concern is connection, they would appear vulnerable and care more toward the relationship. Intimate relationship reflects how men and women act in the post modern world.
Even in the world of technology, women are still being empowered not only in the society as a whole, but even in the relationships in which they are involved. Although, there are also some cases wherein men seem to be vulnerable in relationships because their partners make most of the decisions, the powers of women that are being used still reflect their womanhood and stereotyped judgment as the weak and oppressed.This is because the personal power of women is based on their helplessness, affection, and sexual capabilities only, which still imply women's reliance to men. Men, on the other hand, may exercise all the powers in an intimate relationship regardless of women's ability and status. In cases of intimate relationships where men are dominated by women, love and respect are their only reasons why men comply with their partners.
Intimate relationships require an equal share of power in order to be successful, however people have been used to act in a society based on culture and beliefs.Apparently, power in an intimate relationship should be practiced by male alone in order to have a satisfying relationship with his partner. Although patriarchy is the only accepted type of relationship in the society, egalitarianism can also be applied to protect not only the relationship but also the individuality of two persons inside an intimate relationship. Hence, since relationship is a commitment between two individuals, the way that they would deal with every problem may not be based on who is powerful, rather the mutual respect that they should give for each other.
