Letter of Advice

Letter of Advice Stephanie Skidmore Com 200: Interpersonal Communication Katie Decker September 19, 2011 Dear Samantha and Billy, Congratulations on deciding to get married.

But before you make the big step let’s discuss a few things. Good communication is essential to a healthy marriage, I will be giving you advice on how to effectively use interpersonal communication between one another. The information that I am providing you with please keep it and utilize it throughout your marriage. Effective interpersonal interactions are essential in life.Interpersonal interactions influence everything including your happiness of your friends and family.

The process of building a relationship with someone is not always smooth and trouble-free. (Sole, K. , 2011, Section 9. 1) Three common communication problems in relationships stem from the following behaviors of one or both parties: (1) silence or refusing to communicate; (2) placating, which means to soothe or calm someone by being nice or by giving in to demands; and (3) playing games. (Sole, K.

, 2011, Section 9. ) Many people would say they have good listening skills. Many people love hearing themselves speak. Below are some strategies you could learn to have a better understanding of active, critical, and empathic listening.

Some of the strategies you could use to better understand active, critical, and empathic listening are: Repeat what is said, write it down, maintain eye contact, and provide non verbal cues. Avoid outside distractions and always ask questions. In doing all of these listening strategies you can develop better listening skills.Effective listening starts with one’s self. You could possibly learn something about some things about others as well as yourself.

Emotional intelligence is the ability within a person to control and perceive emotions. This concept plays a big role in relationships, it will make or break you as an individual. (Maria IIyas, 2011) I recently found an article in EZine articles that says, “Relationships may develop between two people that find one another interesting, or they have something in common and they just enjoy each other’s company. ” (Maria IIyas, 2011) For elationships to be strong and last there has to be some level of emotional attachment. With emotional intelligence, a person can understand the other and can perceive one emotions and feeling in an instant.

One would have to know what to say and what to do which would bring up the morale of the other person and not make one disappointed or sad. (Maria IIyas, 2011) If people in relationships don’t have emotional intelligence; their relationship wouldn’t understand one another and the relationship would have to been over as fast as that relationship started.Taking risks is the only way we can learn and feel and grow and have meaningful relationships. When people self-disclose to us, we may feel special or privileged because the other person opened up to us, and we often respond by sharing more information about ourselves. (Sole, K. , 2011, Section 7.

5) Decisions about self-disclosure are often based on how well you know the other person, your predictions about how he or she will react to the information, your judgment about why he or she needs to know the information, and your assumptions about what he or she will do with the knowledge. Sole, K. , 2011, Section 7. 5) In 1973, social psychologists Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor proposed a theory of self- disclosure called social penetration theory.

In this theory, Altman and Taylor compared the disclosure process to peeling an onion layer by layer. (Sole, K. , 2011, Section 7. 5) When you two first met, you two probably just discussed nonthreatening subjects.

This level of self-disclosure you might talk about just the simple things in life. These topics might be small talk about the clothes you are wearing, the cars you drive, what’s going on around town?But as time goes on you began to talk more and more to one another. Conversations will eventually evolve turn into questionnaires for one another. As you twos relationship went on you started to reveal more and more about yourselves to one another. Your conversations went from the simple things to a little more advance conversations like things one another were interested in or maybe started talking a little about each of your families.

That is always a nice subject to speak about. The whole purpose of small talk is to see if each individual has something in common with one another.As you continue to talk to one another your conversations become more and more complex. This was a good thing! Self-disclosure allows you to reduce uncertainty about each other and to predict how costly or how rewarding future interactions with another person will be.

Once you mutually determine that you want to establish some type of relationship, disclosure continues over time to more personal topics (Svennevig, 2000). An interpersonal conflict may be simply described as a clash between two individuals who are unwilling or unable to fulfill the expectations of each other.Interpersonal conflicts are rarely a case of one person being completely at fault and the other totally innocent. More typically, 'It takes two to start a fight' and consequently practitioners should focus on the interaction between both parties in the dispute. I believe everyone needs to manage their interpersonal conflicts.

(SAGE Publications, 1996) Below are some interpersonal conflict management ideas. * You are angry because you are full of frustration! If each one of you expresses your own aggressions, and gets them out of your bodies, you may be able to get along better together. You are angry with one another because you can't stand him, and you can't stand her. Both of you need to take responsibility for your own anger which says more about yourself than about the other person. If you realize that he is not all you want him to be, and she is not all you want her to be, you may be able to accept one another as you really are and get along better together.

* You are angry with one another because you don't fit well together. The problem does not lie within either one of you but in the special interaction, or complementarily, between both of you.If both learn how to give and take collectively, you may be able to get along better together. * You are angry with one another because of 'them', because you exist in a context that puts you in a position of conflict. If you learn to recognize and separate this outside pressure from your relationship and unite to cope with it, you may be able to get along better together. (SAGE Publications, 1996) Getting married is a beautiful thing in life.

It is someone who you love, honor and really trust.Marriage is not simple and it’s not a game there will be times when you really want to rip each other’s heads off. In every marriage there are the good times and then there will be times were the marriage will be not so good. Just keep your head up and work through all of your problems.

It’s a challenge and if you can make it through the tough times then you should have no worries. In my opinion, good communication is essential to a healthy marriage. Good luck and best wishes to you both. Sources: IIyas, Maria (2011).

Emotional Intelligence and Its Role in Personal Relationships. Article Source: http://EzineArticles. com/6261678 Sole, Kathy. (2011).

Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication. Bridgepoint Education, Inc; San Diego:CA. Svennivig, J. (2000).

Getting acquainted in conversation. Philadelphia: John Benjamins. Group Analysis (SAGE Publications, London, Thousand Oaks, CA and New Delhi), Vol. 29 (1996), 257-275. This paper was presented at the 12th International Congress of Group Psychotherapy, Buenos Aires, 1995.