Marjory Winkler lived the several years of her childhood and adolescence in misery born both of circumstances and her own reaction to them. Her single encounter with a counselor allowed her to discover through the counselor's skillful maneuvering some realities of not only her own life, but that of her mother's as well. Whether Marjory sought additional counseling after this one session is unclear; it is only known that she did not return to this particular psychologist.Regardless of whether Marjory sought additional counseling or not, later reports indicated that Marjory had been able to craft a life for herself after all, one that apparently was satisfying and fulfilling for her despite her rough start. Hatred of the Mother It is common for adolescents to claim to hate one or both parents; the one hated the most generally will be the one with the greatest level of direct control over the adolescent.
It is not a mark of lasting difficulty with life for the adolescent to have such feelings, for it is the "job" of the adolescent to begin to break free of parents and home so that the young adult can strike out on his own and begin to carve his own path. Without a reason for the adolescent to leave home, then such a move would be even more difficult than it is under normal circumstances. In the case of a controlling parent who insists on plotting children's lives, it is often only a crisis that will allow the break to occur.Marjory's mother superficially appears to be a highly controlling parent, but Marjory discovered during the course of the session that her mother faced difficulties of her own and carried the responsibility of supporting the family even before Marjory's father's suicide. Marjory did come to realize that her mother likely was operating under intense pressures herself. Whether the adolescent truly hates the parent or whether the parent truly is all-controlling is of little consequence.
What matters most is the adolescent's perceptions and feelings about the matter.In the case of Marjory Winkler, we hear nothing from Marjory's mother or any other individual who can corroborate Marjory's recollection of the events and conditions of her life. This is not a trial of Marjory's mother, however. Whether Marjory's memory of events is clear or not matters little.
It is Marjory's reactions to her feelings that have created such dissent within her. The purpose of her visit to a psychologist is to help her come to terms with those feelings and to discover if there are others lurking beneath the surface that have been eclipsed by those that Marjory does recognize.Marjory freely and somewhat proudly admits early on to fully and intensely hating her mother. The impression that Marjory obviously has about her childhood is that she was an embarrassment because she was less than physically perfect in her appearance. She appears to link her appearance with her mother's propensity to use her as "slave labor" in the house (p.
131). Marjory has several older sisters and Marjory's mother was striving to build a business at the time that Marjory was kept at home doing chores.These sisters were expected to help their mother in her business, and it is likely that their absence during Marjory's childhood years was due at least in part to their being occupied at their mother's direction in the business that the mother was attempting to build. Regardless of where Marjory's sisters were during those years, Marjory apparently bore the brunt of responsibility for keeping the household running smoothly while Mother built a business. Marjory feels she has had no control over any aspect of her life.Money apparently was scarce during her early years - she speaks bitterly of never having anything new to wear and her mother consistently searching for the cheapest things possible in which to dress her.
Long after a sister and her father had committed suicide and her mother's business was successful, however, Marjory attended a boarding school or perhaps college where the girls commented that her family must have significant financial resources to be able to afford the cosmetic surgery that Marjory's mother had arranged over a school break.Most life insurance will not pay death benefits for any death resulting from suicide, so it is unlikely that Marjory had the benefit of any life insurance her father may have carried on himself. Rather, it was the financial success of her mother's business that was able to provide what the mother obviously believed would be a great benefit for her disfigured daughter. Rather than being grateful at all or willing to contribute in any way to the continued uccess of the business, Marjory felt that the surgery decision - one that affected her directly and truly affected no one but her - was only one more point of lack of control over her own life.
She complains that she was not consulted in the decision, that instead of being proud of her new face she felt like "a fraud" (p. 315). Victim of "Should" In Marjory's view, everyone but her had something they could claim as their own special talent. Marjory's only particular skill outside of school in her early years was that she could earn excellent grades.
Her father was dead and her mother gave Marjory no affection, at least not in a form that Marjory perceived as affection. Everyone was too busy for her, including her older sisters who were continually absent from her life for whatever reason. Marjory's report cards and the praise of her teachers came to substitute for the affection she could not find at home. She worked hard, but she found that her own report card was something over which she could have direct control. When everything else in her life seemed to be beyond control, her school accomplishment became the one area of her life over which she had control.When she arrived at the counselor's office, she announced that she was there only because her doctor requested it.
Apparently the surgery was still a recent event, one over which Marjory was extremely bitter. Still, she recounted for the psychologist all the reasons that she should be "fine. " "I have nothing to worry about. I have all the money I want. I live at the sorority house and have lots of friends, I'm getting good grades.
What could be bothering me? " (p. 126). In Marjory's view, she "should" be fine. She "should" be happy.
There was nothing materially or socially lacking in her life, and she "should" be able to make the most of it.However, she was so depressed that she would erupt into tears at any time, sometimes even uncontrollably so. Marjory responds well to any encouragement. Professors close to her were able to bring her to understanding about her position as a "fraud" by explaining that people lacking an eye often wore a glass one, someone losing a leg more often than not would use a prosthesis. Marjory agreed that these people are not fraudulent in the way they present themselves to the world; the talk seems to have helped her to feel better about her surgery and her new look, even though she still did not completely accept it.
Marjory made several discoveries for herself during the course of the single session with the counselor. She realized that her mother had lived under her own pressures and lack of control over her life, that her life too had contained devastating experiences. Her husband, Marjory's father, had not been a good provider and the task of providing for the family had fallen to Marjory's mother. Marjory came to realize that her mother's drive to establish a business and make it successful was born of necessity rather than her mother's need for power; she also came to realize that her mother's life had been difficult as well.Marjory never returned for further sessions, but later reports indicated that she had married and had taken on - apparently quite willingly - the care of her mother after a debilitating stroke. Marjory's husband took over the management of the business when the mother no longer was able, and all seemed to be functioning well in the arrangement.
Conclusion Should Marjory return, it should be noted that she does respond well to restatement of her own observations and clarification of the feelings contained in those observations. She appears to be one who can find her own way when given the opportunity to find it for herself.
