1. The author, Robert Bramson is an author consultant and leading authority on the prevention and management of difficult behaviours and on methods that coax optimum performances form executives. Dr. Bramson is also a frequent speaker at association meetings and conferences and had appeared frequently on local and national radio and television shows. The Los Angeles, Chicago Sun and New York Times, the Washington Post, McCall’s and Readers Digest as well as other publications have featured his works.
Thesis:
I believe that the book is trying to convey the sense that difficult and combative personalities are all around us and there are ways to identify and handle them. You will run into difficult people of all walks of life, in many different places and since they cannot be avoided it is infinitely easier in learning how to deal with them. There are endless scenarios for encountering Difficult People and also scenarios where the Difficult Person is also your boss. The book offers up many strategies for coping with Difficult People and their many manifestations.
Summary Chapter 1 - This chapter also describes coping. Coping by standard definitions means ‘to contend on equal terms’, exactly what someone needs to do with Difficult People. It also describes patterns of difficult behaviour and the nature of coping.
Chapter 2 – This chapter examines the three different ways in which the qualities of hostility and aggressiveness combine into very abrasive behaviour and methods for coping with each of them. The author has named them the Sherman Tank, the Sniper, and the Exploder.
Chapter 3 – This chapter deals with complainers. The author also went on to remark that Jonah discovered that even God at times found complainers irritating, irksome and very exhausting. Complainers are those Difficult People who manage to find fault with everything and gripe endlessly. Complainers are the people you find yourself placating.
Chapter 4 This chapter deals with people who are unresponsive, seemingly at the times where one needs answers or simple conversation and the difficulties in discerning what the lack of response / silence really means.
Chapter 5 – This chapter deals with Super-Agreeables and how they quantify as Difficult People because they lull you into a false sense of security only to pull the rug out from under you and let you down. They seem to me to be among the most of the Difficult People to figure out. They are very paradoxical in their composition and makeup and are also very unbalanced. They have a need to be liked and accepted by everyone all the time. Their avoidance of conflict has benefits short term but a higher cost is paid long-term.
Chapter6 – This chapter deals with the Difficult Person known as the Negativist. A Negativist is one who, while reasonably competent, usually responds to another individuals’ productive idea or suggestion with negativity and unbelief. Negativists are able to gain so much power over others because the tap into the potential for disaster in each of us.
Chapter 7 – This chapter deals with Know-It-Alls, whom come in two main variations, Balloons and Bulldozers. Both communicate with others as though they know everything there is to know, difference being that while Bulldozers do, Balloons do not. Bulldozers are condescending and leave little room for another’s creativity or judgment. Balloons speak with great authority on subjects of which they have little knowledge. Balloons are so convincing that they can be difficult to differentiate them from Bulldozers. Balloons also while not liars, actually at the moment in truth believe they know what they are speaking about.
Chapter 8 – This chapter deals with Stallers. Stallers avoid the decision making process and have a tendency to stall off major decisions until they disappear.
Chapter 9 – This chapter details the fundamental steps that will help you cope successfully, of which there are six. Assessing the situation, stop wishing the Difficult Person were different, Get some distance between you and the difficult behaviour, formulate a coping plan, implementing your plan and monitoring the effectiveness of your coping strategy, modifying where appropriate. This chapter also details when to abandon the coping effort.
Chapter 10 – This chapter tries to provide the information on understanding the idiosyncracies of each of our own approaches to the various categories of Difficult People and exactly what strategy would work best. The chapter details how mapping is important to accomplishing those goals.
Chapter11 –This chapter looks at how to manage defensive behaviour, the Difficult Persons and your own. The chapter also looks at how to cope in a particularly troublesome situation, when your boss is that Difficult Person.
Evaluation
I believe that the author, Robert M. Bramson was successful in conveying the thesis of the book. I feel this because upon looking back at my own experiences I have realized I have known or been these people at some point in my life. The book describes seven different types of difficult people: “hostile-aggressives,” “complainers,” “silent-unresponsives,” “super-agreeables,” “negativists,” “know-it-all experts” and “indecisives.” Each type of behavior is explained and real-world examples of each behavior and suggestions for coping with the difficult person are given. The forte of the book is explaining how to cope effectively with each type.
The author encourages the reader to more carefully observe the situation and analyze the difficult person’s behavior and then respond accordingly. “Hostile-aggressives” have a strong opinion of how others should act and think, and they attempt to bully you into doing what they believe is right. Refuse to be intimidated. Stand up and assert your own views but do not react with anger or rage. “Complainers” always find fault but allege it is not their responsibility therefore someone else should make it right. It is easy to be sucked into their accusatory world.
Do not agree with or apologize for the allegations but oppose them with positive ideas. “Silent-unresponsives” won’t or can’t talk when you need them to be communicative. Silence is a learned unresponsiveness because it provides some short term benefit. Asking open ended questions will encourage them to communicate. To be liked by others is a common human trait but “super-agreeables” have an overwhelming need to be accepted by everyone at all times and will often make unrealistic commitments. You must uncover the issues that prevent them from taking action and let them know they are valued as a person and that you do not always have to agree. “Negativists” always see the reasons why something cannot work and must be provided optimistic and realistic solutions that will make it work. The “know-it-all experts” believe in their superiority and like to make others feel inferior and humiliated. Never challenge their expertise but persuade them to consider alternative views. “Indecisives” are motivated to help others but often postpone decisions until they become irrelevant. Find the reason for stalling and get the person to make a decision or take control of the situation. The author points out that we all have difficulty in dealing with certain personality types and each of us is perhaps in a certain way a difficult person. An inability to deal effectively with others can cause very serious problems in morale, job performance and self esteem. The more one is able to resolve and or avoid conflicts, the more successful they will be in the long run.
In my opinion I believe the book is very strong and definitely taught me a great many things in trying to define, differentiate, and understand the many subdivisions of Difficult People. The paragraphs on how to cope with the different categories of Difficult People is also extremely informative. I did not see any weaknesses in the book. It pointed out a great many things to me that I would not have picked up on my own. In life I have encountered many Difficult People and have even been one myself at various points in my life. I also like how the book took lengths to break down the sub-categories of Difficult People.
The books’ readability was fairly good and there were no biases I encountered to speak of. The author seemed informed and did not use the book as a platform to bash Difficult People as though he had an axe to grind.
