Family is said to be the first institution where one starts to equip oneself to grow. But differences have been found to each family. According to the administration and organizing family, each produces various kinds of character. Having healthy and happy family is what everyone’s dream. But many could not succeed it. Due to different problem, the healthy families have been broken up as well. When unwanted things are coming up, many families have been broken, and the members are separated. This is a tragic happening out of unrestricted reasons as well as unfortunate reasons. So, in this paper we will explore more on the causes of broken family and their consequences.
1. Broken family: Meaning and Implication: No matter how ideal a family in the terms of their relationship, there are still hardships and misunderstandings that will come along the way. It is just part of any relationship anyway. But, the sad part is when one of the family members gave up and the others have no choice but to accept and let go. Thus, the family starts to be broken.
When we say broken family, it is not distinct and strange thing, rather common and experiencing problem in and around us. Family life is in a crisis when some problems aroused and which causes separation of the members in the families, which is simply called broken family. However a mere separation due to education, job, etc is not broken family, even though the family members are staying away from each other.
To be broken in the family, there must be some crises which are arisen out of misconception, mistreating, misunderstanding, mis-acceptance, etc. Then the occurring crises lead to the divorce of parents, disposal of sons or daughters and leaving home by any members of that family. It is very controversial that whether to claim every splitting up is broken family, while they still run the family well. There are many families without father, mother, and other members but still conditionally and systematically running. They may not like to call them broken. Of course they are not broken, rather just some members left away.
2. Causes of Broken Family:
2.1. Parents’ divorce: In anytime, anywhere and anyhow, divorce is not healthy for the family life. But it happens. Divorce is claimed to be the main reason behind broken family. The common disputes between a husband and a wife are the financial issue, sexual misunderstanding, early marriage, teen pregnancy, education, health problem, etc. When the parents get divorced, usually either of them or sometime both of them leave home. Then the absence of either or both the parents will affect the family administration, then family become broken.
2.2. Death: It is obvious that death reduces the family strength. More adversely death sometime leads to broken family. Like other reason all death in the family do not necessarily bring any broken, but by the death of mother or father children become mother/father less. Moreover if the left partner live a drastic life in search of happiness after losing his/her partner, the results in the family could not be hale and hearty for the family life. Then it starts to be broken.
2.3. Misconception between family members: Apart from divorce parents and death, there can be a family problem caused by misconception between the members in the home. The reason may be differ from each other. However the most common reasons are drugs abusing, drinking alcohol, misbehavior manner and doing other intoxicant things by the father, sons or any other members. Then there comes misconception, ruining and anger, which in turn caused breaking the relationship of himself and herself from the family.
2.4. Unconditional administration: Failure in administration in the family is one cause for the breaking up of family. If the father or mother or any other heads fail to administer, there will be problems among the members of the family. They will be free to do whatever and however they like in the home and outside. Then the unsystematic and improper living will affect the remaining relationship in the family. If the relationship has been worsening, there will definitely be losing of caring which can lead to broken in the family.
2.5. Parental or friends influence: Another reason why a family has broken up is because of parental or friends influence. When a third party has involved itself in the matters inside the home, bad-mouthing will just likely to happen and misunderstanding will only grow worse. Everyone has friends; we used to share our problems with them. But there can be negative impact. To whom we thought helps will come, another unexpected advice may come. Many a time, broken family, particularly splitting up of parents took place due to the influences made by our friends.
3. Consequences of broken Family:
3.1. To the children: Children are the ones who suffer most of broken family. The immediate effect has been shot upon them. When a couple split up, it is the children that are greatly affected scarring them physically, emotionally and socially. Children are supposed to grow up in a healthy family where they could receive love, care and concern from their parents. However in the broken family, from where children would get such love and care? It is, therefore, children of the broken family are normally growing up with having low and bad manner. Children who make problem, rivalry and discontentment in the school or other gathering place are usually from the broken family. Most of children admitted in the Remand home, or other social centers due to some serious mistakes are brought up from broken family where there is no proper administration and proper living standard. Broken family is followed by financial problems generally. That is why; there are more tendencies for children to do stealing and robbing.
3.2. To the adolescence: The impact of having a broken home usually manifests in the adolescence experiencing the feeling of separation. It may cause an internal conflict which may result to depression, anxiety, disobedience, aggression and low self-esteem. On the other hand, broken family opens the door for the young people to live their life as they wish. When children are growing up, they like to learn something more and explore new thing as much as possible. They adjust with the new things quickly. In that situation if there is no proper guidance, they will learn and enjoy bad things more. It is hard to see young people of broken family behaving well manner. They usually have free time to roam around. There is no much controller who could guide them in the right ways. Controlling and guiding adolescents in a right way is difficult even in a proper family, how much more will it be in a broken family.
3.3. To the parents: The consequence of broken family to the parent is caused by death and other reasons apart from divorce. When they lose their children, they develop grieve and anxiety. Their mental suffering adversely affects their health. There are some parents lost their health and eventually died. There the breaking of the family is great lost for each and every members of the family.
3.4. To the Society: Broken family is a major problem of the society that should be given enough attention. The behavior of family setup affects the social, economic and political aspects of a country.More broken families produce more negative affects in the society. Society is built up with communitarian life of the people who live there in. However just and pleasant society will last on the strength and capacity of mutual care to each other. There should be proper living standard. In the mean time, society used to have serial problems of robbing, killing, raping, stealing, disturbing others, making some noise, etc. It is said that all these societal problems are coming out of people who do not get proper teaching at their home; usually those are broken families.
4. From Family counseling perspective: It is not possible to provide accurate and concrete suggestions, which are suitable to all situations of broken families. Therefore some few suggestions have been mentioned here with mixing up of the overcoming and preventing suggestions:
4.1. Re-marriage: If it is possible, remarriage is the first medicine to provide for broken family, particularly divorcing broken. But it may be difficult to remarry, basing on the situation how they get divorced. The divorced parents must reconsider the future effects of their deeds to their children. The children may grow up with having step-family or rather they will lose their nature of life if the family goes on as broken. To remarry, trying to develop new positive relationships within the family or between the couple is very necessary. Majority of the children support the remarry of their parents.
4.2. Coping with the conflict: This is the other step that we can look for the solution of broken family. To remarry, coping with the problem is a must. Let the parent started to use their strength to cope with the difficulties in the family, the children will follow.
4.3. Forgiveness in the family: Family problems have to be found in every home, whether is any kind of family. Due to some conflicts and some mistakes we made, the other members got discontentment. Whenever problems come in the family, mutual forgiveness is the needed step to be taken. Forgiveness will prevent the splitting up and it will also restructure the relationship.
4.4. Going on with the matter: Sometime there are impossibilities to cope with the problems, and unsolvable splitting has come. In that situation, remaining members need to strengthen themselves to go on with the matter. Whether they may lose father or mother, son or daughter, if there is no hope to get back the lost ones, they should go on with trying to have the proper running family. Here preparing them to have courage to go on is our responsibility.
4.5. Keeping family relationship unchanged: This is preventing suggestion that the family need to keep the relationship of the members unchanged or more keeping it more strength. To have that kind of family, there should be proper arrangement of doing things together. Some suggestions made by Drenda Keesee are:
4.5.1. Having family day once a week. Let a different family member choose the “perfect day” each week, keeping in budget, of course.
4.5.2. Praying on family day: Even if only for a few minutes, praying together creats better relationship.
4.5.3. Planning a break away from everyone and everything except spouse and children for some time is sometime to be practiced.
4.5.4. Engage teens in the planning process: Letting children or teens to help the father with research, reservations, and ideas is very meaningful points. Adventure is important, and can make you “way cool” to your teen.
4.5.5. Find something to do together. Doing something together as couple or family is another ideal developing relationship. Nearly any activity done together can inspire communication.
Conclusion: By being human beings we all have limitations and shortcomings, due to these we used to make problems for other for some time. Family filled with mutual love and care is the ideal for all of us. But because of such human incapacity, we cannot succeed it. Then conflicts aroused which caused broken family. There can be many reasons as we have discussed previously. There can also be various consequences in every development stages of life, even in the society.
However, it is to be noted that when there is problem and impact, there is also the solving idea. Broken family also can be solved at the same time, it could be prevented. In these ways we can go on with the broken family. Even though it has the adverse effects on the society, looking down and condemnation is not to be our responses. The Christian response and Counseling response should be rooted in this way, “My brothers, if someone is caught in any kind of wrong doing, those of you who are spiritual should set him right; but you must do it in a gentle way. And keep an eye on yourselves so that you will not be tempted, too. Help to carry one another’s burdens, and ion this way you will obey the law of Christ”(Galatians 6:1-2).