Analysis of Forgiveness

“Forgiveness is a relational process whereby harmful conduct is acknowledged by one or both partners; the harmed partner extends undeserved mercy to the perceived transgressor; one or both partners experience a transformation from negative to positive psychological states, and the meaning of the relationship is renegotiated, with the possibility of reconciliation” (Waldron & Kelley 2008). There is no doubt that forgiveness is an extremely important topic for those of us who study personal relationships.

Almost every relationship experiences dialectical tensions (conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires) or some type of strain on a relationship (Floyd 2009). A time in which someone needs forgiveness arises from some sort of behavior harming a valued relationship, and if a person does not know how to forgive or refuses to forgive, then that has the potential to harm a friendship for forever. Through Waldron & Kelley’s book “Communicating Forgiveness”, they give an in-depth history of forgiveness, conceptualize forgiveness as communication, and offer path-breaking theory development, all through a Christian perspective.History of Forgiveness Christian writings place a fully developed conceptual understanding of forgiveness between God and humankind; scripture emphasize the centrality of forgiveness as a means of reconciliation between God and humankind.

It is argued that: The root is the figure of Abraham, the founder of the three main western religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. It was Abraham’s departure from Mesopotamia, both literally and figuratively, that provided the foundation to these religions.This foundation involves three main concepts: Creation is good, God is merciful, and we (created in God’s likeness) have a duty to imitate God and be merciful towards each other (Waldron & Kelley 2008). In addition to this, as Christians, we are called to be Christ-like.

Jesus was known for several amazing attributes: being sacrificial, loving, kind, humble, and of course forgiving. As being a part of the Lord’s Kingdom, we are called to forgive, just as Christ forgave. In addition, Luke 6:37 states, “…forgive, and you will be forgiven.Regarding interpersonal communication, forgiveness is obviously essential.

Human beings have an innate need for affection, and when that affection is not there, it can seriously affect a relationship (Floyd 2009). It is common knowledge that most people will act poorly or make some kind of bad decision sometime in their lives; no one is perfect; it is a matter of how you react to that. If one is not willing to forgive, their relationship could be destroyed for forever.Although most people assume that communication is an interpersonal process because of the fact that it can be done within oneself or between oneself and God, one can see forgiveness as a communicative construct as well.

Waldron and Kelley mention how a communicative approach to forgiveness in personal relationships involves social interaction as well as a psychological transformation. Six communication processes are mentioned: (1) revealing and detecting transgressions, (2) managing emotions, (3) sense-making, (4) seeking forgiveness, (5) granting forgiveness, and (6) negotiating the relationship.Most assume that forgiveness simply consists of steps four and five. However, this is the exact reason as to why forgiveness is so much more in-depth than most have assumed. Communication as forgiveness is a collective process of redressing harm that also can be “invitational” in that it creates the conditions for dialogue and change; it is not just another relationship repair tactic. It is extremely relatable to interpersonal communication and is instead a symbolic process closely linked to issues of relational morality, justice, and meaning.

It is a means by which we enact, negotiate, or reinforce the values and rules that define relationship and communities. Serious relational transgressions inevitably cause emotional pain and relational damage. However, it is believed that the ultimate meanings and relational consequences of hurtful acts are shaped by the six communication processes that were previously addressed (Waldron & Kelley 2008).Theorizing Forgiveness There is no doubt that knowledge of theories of communication can enrich understanding of forgiveness processes; a given theory offers how complex social process work. Communication theories are primarily concerned with explaining the role of symbolic behavior, including the tactics relational partners use to seek and grant forgiveness and their effects on relational outcomes” (Waldron & Kelley 2008). They organized their theories into four categories: dialectical theory, uncertainty management frameworks, identity management theory, and toward a negotiated morality.

After each theory, they would talk about its theoretical principles and then its application to forgiveness.The theory I found most interesting was the dialectical theory. It was been useful in generating a rich understanding of how meaning is created in human relationships, and I favor that greatly. Something that was especially interesting is the research found on how forgiveness communication in this theory influences relationships: “From this theoretical perspective, we claim that partners who succeed in supporting mutual identity needs are likely to feel more valued, respected, and comfortable as they recover from a transgression” (Waldron & Kelley 2008).

Although the other theories are interesting as well, I was able to relate to the dialectical theory the best and agreed with what it had to say from personal experience. This section of the book reminded me of how, just like interpersonal communication, there is so much more to forgiveness that one would assume. The several theories (and the results and applications derived from them) was extremely interesting to me and showed me that forgiveness is an extremely involved part of interpersonal communication.It is obvious that forgiveness is simply more than admitting that you are wrong and saying sorry. Forgiveness is absolutely essential in order for a tight-knit relationship to not only work, but to strive.

It is a complicated and detailed aspect of interpersonal communication and aids in being totally and completely open with another person. I am glad that I have been given the opportunity to read such an involved book regarding something that I originally thought was somewhat trivial, and will now have a different perspective on forgiveness because of it.