In the weeks prior to attending to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, I was very hesitant to go. I had attended a few AA meetings many years ago with my Aunt. However, I was too young to understand the purpose and significance of the meetings.
After being exposed to AA at such young age, I have since been very resentful to its mission and how it transformed my Aunt’s identity, for better or for worse. The strong emotions that I feel towards AA have made me bias to anything of a positive nature that would come out of the program.On the other hand, in order to help and understand those who suffer from alcoholism, I need to first address my values and beliefs by giving an open AA meeting a chance. Therefore, as I walked through the doors of my local church at the 8 o’clock meeting on Monday, anxiety and fear rushed throughout my body. I began to wonder, “would I be expected to admit I had an alcohol problem to even step foot through the doorway? ” "Was I going to be criticized because I am the outsider that does not see myself as some with alcoholism? ” and “Would this experiences bring unwanted feelings from my own family’s battle with alcoholism? But, I needed to do this! When I walked into the parish hall there were rows of chairs for people to sit and the smell of coffee and donuts filled the air.People stood amongst one another talking about not their alcohol problem, but their college basketball picks and the recent loss of a local high school basketball team who had gone to states.
My nerves began to calm down a little when I overheard this conversation and proceeded to find my seat in the back of the room. As the meeting started, we began with a serenity prayer and read the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.The second step was the focus of the meeting. I stared at the poster containing the step because it took me quite some time to interpret what it meant. This step states: "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. " My interpretation was that a person with alcoholism had to believe that a power such as God or another deity could cleanse his or her mind of this insidious disease.
As it turned out, I was half right and half wrong. The first speaker I will call Paul. Paul is a successful businessman and has been a member of AA for over ten years.He relayed his story about how his Power restored him to sanity. Paul said that prior to becoming a member, he knew everything. "I could do anything I wanted to when I wanted to.
If anyone disagreed with me, I would do whatever it took to have that person agree with me. It was my way or the highway. " With those statements, Paul admitted that when he was drunk, his temper got the best of him. After becoming a member, Paul along with many of the members of the group was able to complete the first step with ease.The second step, however, was going to be a problem. When I looked at that sign, I was scared because I have been an atheist for most of my adult life.
" Paul was hoping that he could skip step two and return to it later, but he was told that he had to complete it before he could advance. Paul said it took quite some time but that higher Power did come to him and it wiped out the "insanity" that was ruining his life. After listening to his speech, I was wondering to myself why these members felt they were insane. If I saw a member on the street, I would never know that they had an alcohol problem or they were "insane".The next person to speak I will call him James.
James has been a member of AA for nearly thirty years. He admitted that he was very wild when he was younger. As a matter of fact, when he entered the military, he was placed in a group that commanders called the "wild bunch" because their psychological exams showed that he had a tendency for extreme outbursts. It was not until his dishonorable discharge that James decided to make a change in his life.
Just like the other members, James had difficulty coming to grips with the second step. "When I was young, I grew up in a very religious family.However, I never was involved; I just went because my parents told me to do so. Because of this, most of my young adult life was pretty much a rebellion against my family and God. " James once again mentioned the word "insanity" in reference to discovering a higher Power.
The words he used were: "I came, I came to and now I believe. " To me, it seems as though the first phrase was easy. "I came" is basically just coming to a meeting and understanding what AA is about. "I came to" is the difficult part. This is the process that most members have a difficult time coming to grips with because of their lack of spiritual belief.
James dealt with this process through his sponsor. He said after weeks of talking with his sponsor, he was taken to an area chapel. It was at that point where he realized that he was at peace with himself, but he never knew why. According to James, two words summed up that visit to the chapel: "I believe.
" Just because someone believes does not mean that someone completely believes in God. It just means that a person’s mind has been cleansed and is accepting of a higher Power saving them. It was not until listening to James that I partially understood my own personal struggles with AA.Once the meeting ended, I did have a better undstanding of the concept of AA but was not completely convinced on it values. I did however enjoy witnessing the camaraderie and the openness of the group which made me feel enriched both in mind and in spirit. Listening to the members, I was touched about their stories and their struggles with sobriety.
I am not sure that my values and beliefs of AA will change. However I have already conquered the first step like so many others in the group have. “I came,” which is the first part of my own personal steps with AA.
